Right now in my life, I feel everything is coming to fast. I just want it to slow down. When I was younger, like almost any other young teenager, I wanted to grow up fast. Yet now I wish I could stay a kid forever. I feel that my life is so chaotic and just going full speed and I cannot handle it as well as I thought I would be able to. I want to live my life to the fullest. I depend on God constantly for this.
When I was a kid everyone always asked me “what do you want to be when you grow up?” I probably responded with something like a princess, a cat, or a ninja. As I grew older I began to say things like teacher or a gymnast. But when I was around thirteen that’s when I really decided what I wanted to be, an early childhood educator, I had my plan all set in place, or so I had thought. Around the middle of my sophomore year I changed my mind completely, I realized how much more potential I had than that, I could do so much more with my intelligence, I then decided I wanted to go into either architectural or chemical engineering. This year I realized chemical engineering is what I really want to do, I decided to live my life to my full potential and work hard and go far in life. I had a new found drive, strength, and desire inside of me. This is what I feel I have been called to do and it’s the path I plan to take but who knows, God may change that along the way. I also feel profoundly called to fight against bullying, it is something very close to my heart and a problem in the world that I want changed.
I had grown up in a Christian home and always gone to church and known who Jesus was and became a Christian at an early age. When I started getting older I began to realize who God really was and gained more of a concept of it. But it wasn’t really until half way through my sophomore year that I truly had a relationship with God. My first two years in high school had taken a toll on me emotionally; I was constantly in pain and despair. I was mad at the world and mad at God; I didn’t understand why everyone had to hurt me and tear me down. But something radically changed inside of me and in my life. I began to realize how much God loved me and how He wanted to pursue me. I really started completely trusting in God.
“So you must change your hearts and your lives! Come back to God, and He will forgive your sins. Then the Lord will send the time of rest” Acts 3:19. I started changing my life and the way I lived. I can’t completely explain how I really changed, but it began to show. People constantly were telling me they saw a change in me and that they saw God working in me. I began to genuinely realize how crazy Gods love for us is. I mean, He sent His son to die on a cross to save us from our sins. No matter how bad of things someone has done, they could have committed, God STILL loves them, He loves each and every one of us on this earth. That is a HUGE sacrifice, for someone to do that for us they must crazy love us.
When you have God in your life and His love in your heart I believe the way that can be shown best is through radically loving others even if they hate you. I feel in my life that is something I truly do often. I am constantly put down, ridiculed, made fun of, and bullied yet even though these people hate me and hurt me I still treat them kindly I never hurt them back. I strongly feel it is very important to just love them and pray for them, the Bible says “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” Matthew 5:44.
The concept that God had a plan perfectly engineered for me was one that took me a long time to grasp. But once I did it was something that would change my life. I began to live my life according to Gods plan for me not the plan I have for myself. I finally understood that even when things went wrong in my life that it was all ultimately part of Gods plan for me. I recently went through a pretty rough time and at first I was just upset about it but then I just had to repeat to myself “this is God’s plan, this is God’s plan”
Entering into my high school years I was a very insecure and I hated the way I looked. Peoples harsh comments only further hindered my view on myself. I thought I was so ugly and fat and stupid. I hated who I was, and other people hating me too only made me hate myself more. In becoming stronger in God I realized how beautiful I was through God and how I was amazing in His eyes. “My darling you are beautiful and there is nothing at all wrong with you” Song of Songs 4:7.
I began to realize it doesn’t matter what other people think of me, or even what I think of myself, it only matters what God thinks of me. “Do you think I am trying to make people accept me? No. God is the one I am trying to please. Am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people I would not be a servant of God” Galatians 1:10. When I am standing at the gates of heaven it will not matter how popular I was, how many Facebook friends I had, if I got nominated for homecoming queen, all the guys wanted to date me, or if I was the prettiest girl on the planet; all that will matter is how I glorified God in my life and what Gods view of my life was.
You always see those girls who are outstandingly beautiful. But in the end physical beauty won’t matter. It will matter the beauty with in your heart. “Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the one who lives in the Fear-of-God” Proverbs 31:30. Having God in your heart and living your life for Christ is the most beautiful thing. True beauty can only be found through Jesus Christ, through complete surrender to Him.
Another thing that made me struggle with insecurities was boys. I always looked at the other girls and thought “why can’t I be like them and have guys like me and notice me”. I thought I wasn’t pretty enough or good enough for a guy to like me. A quote from an anonymous author that really shows how wrong I was about that is; “Girls are like apples… the best are at the top of the trees. The boys don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground that aren’t as good but easy. So the apples at the top think there is something wrong with them, when, in reality, they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one that is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.” I thought I would never find someone to love me, but boy was I wrong. I have a God in heaven who loves me so much more than even the strongest earthly love I may ever find. Every girl should realize that.
It is more than understandable that we want to find love. We desire to be pursued. God created us that way. But in this we give our hearts and dreams away instead of giving them to God. A young writer of a book called “Totally God’s”, Megan Clinton says “Don’t chase guys! Your heart is worth fighting for, don’t compromise it by pursuing guys when you should be patient and wait for a warrior to pursue you”. This statement is one of the things I really live my life on now. I feel it is vital that teenage girls understand this. Many young women and girls give away their hearts and their bodies to guys, often ones they won’t spend the rest of their lives with, and this makes me so sad. Our bodies are not ours, they are the temple of Christ and we have to treat it right. We need to guys come to us, that is the way the world was designed to be.
I fully and completely surrender my life to Jesus Christ. I want to fall in love with Jesus. I want to show Gods love in the world. The verse Acts 4:20 has really been on my heart lately, “We cannot keep quiet. We must speak about what we have seen and heard.” I want to go profess my love for Jesus Christ. I really want to live my life for God, not for myself. “Abba Father, everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what You will” Matthew 14:36. I think that really just shows that we need to remember to follow Gods plan for us even if it isn’t necessarily what we want for ourselves. I want God to take me life and let it be all for Him and for His glory.
Something I think not all people understand is that ANYONE can come to God. Some people think they are too screwed up for Jesus to fix. Natalie Grant sings a song call “Perfect People” and the chorus goes: there’s no such thing as perfect people there’s no such thing as a perfect life come as you are broken and scarred lift up your heart be amazed and be changed by a perfect God”. I am going to reiterate myself; no matter how bad of a person we are or what we have done in our lives God still loves us we just have to let Him. God heals us, “He heals the broken hearted and bandages their wounds” Psalm 147:3. Jesus’ dying on the cross offers us a fresh start to those who acknowledge their need for Him. He says “Come to me all of you who are tired and have heavy loads and I will give you a rest” Matthew 11:28, all we have to do is go to Him and say that we need help. He will help us, simple as that. He protects me like a strong walled city and he loves me. He is my defender and my Savior, my shield, and my protection.” Psalm 144:2. Life is a rollercoaster; would you rather go on the big, crazy, sometimes scary ride by yourself? Or would you rather have someone sitting there with you along for the ride to protect and take care of you?
